Second Choice Version A

I saw her when she entered the bar. At first, she was just one more of my customers, getting her drink and sitting in the corner, waiting... for what? I didn`t know, and I was not interested in knowing. But later in the evening I caught her gaze sometimes, and that was when I started to look at her closer. She had fine features, a slender figure, and was very young in comparison to her surroundings, considering that this was a night club on a Romulan colony.

*

The woman behind the bar is... fascinating, to say the least. She has an air of energy and intelligence, that I would not have looked for in a second-class bar like this one. I gaze at her several times, and although I tried to be casual, she caught it and looks back. I wonder what she thinks of me. But I will know this soon, because she just starts walking over to me...

*

I greet her, and directly ask whether the seat next to her is free. She thinks about declining, but then offers it to me, and I go ahead and state that she is interested in me. She holds well, only a short moment I can see her astonishment in the otherwise controlled face. She tells me I am too direct, but I can see she likes it nevertheless. I just tell her when my shift will end. And if she stays till then, I will know enough...

*

So now I know. This Romulan makes a proposal, and I really think about whether I should accept it. How disquieting. I never thought that women could behave like this. She is controlled nevertheless, and she gives little away from her intentions besides getting to know me privately. She didnīt say enough to compromise us if there had been any spy. Homosexuality is not an open topic in this society, and meeting her means inviting danger. But I am interested, I cannot decline it.

*

She still is here, and it is only five minutes till the bar closes. I clean off the tables and the dishes, switch off the main lights and finally I engage the entrance lock and we are left alone in the now dimly lit bar. Her gaze centers on me, and I am so much reminded of him that my heart aches. The way she moves her head, the way she holds her hands... I sigh, and she hears it and wonders. She comes over to the bar and sits down, finally asking what we shall do now. Her question leaves all possibilites open and yet gives no hint of what she thinks. She is fascinating.

*

I sit at the bar and wonder what will happen now. Outside I am controlled, but I can feel my heart beats faster than before, and my blood pressure is too high. The slightly dizzy feeling from too much alcohol reminds me that I am not in maximum control now, but then, that was the idea behind that. I like danger, if I can see its depth, but I fail in this moment, when I look into her eyes. She is as unreadable as I am, and I am suddenly sure she is no Romulan. The feeling of danger is tense now, and when she says we shall got to her place, I start to fight down the drugs and my nerviness and become sober till we get there.

*

So now she has realized that she might walk on dangerous grounds. I show her through the dark streets of the city, and she doesn`t ask me where we are going, but I can see she orients herself, and I can feel her tension. My place is only a small room in the highest level of the building, and when we get there she looks around and I follow her eyes over the dirty table, the worn-out chairs and the tattered bed. Yet she seems not disappointed, but still interested enough. Her eyes meet mine, and she waits for my next move.

*

Now we are here, and I am on edge. The easiest way not to show this is to wait silently, and that is a game I can play for hours. But then I look at her and she raises her arm and touches my face. I can feel the electrical sparkle crawling over my skin, and I long for more. My own hand meets hers, and we touch each other, careful, tender. Her eyes are even darker than before, and I fall into their abyss. The strands of grey in her brown hair, the deep crinkles in her face, it doesn`t matter. We just fit.

*

She leans against to my movements, mirroring them, touching my chest, my throat, my eyebrows, my lips. I can see how she longs for more, how her breathing becomes faster and unsteady, her lips open a bit, her gaze gets shaded and now she closes her eyes, concentrating only on our touch. Our minds touch as well, and I can feel the warmth she hides behind her control. Her body vibrates and gives of a heat like in fever. I feel like a traitor. Using her the way I wanted to does not seem to fit now, how can I hurt this young girl the way I intended to? But then, I waited too long for this chance to let it go so easily. When she collapses under my nerve grip, I can see her unshielded shock.

*

I awake and my head hurts and my lips are dry. I am as shocked as I was before I went into the darkness. What game do we play here, what are her intentions? I thought her emotions were true. What a mistake. I am tied to a chair, hands behind the back, and legs spread and bound sideways. She wants me to feel vulnerable and she succeeds. My openness from before has left my controls shuddered, and my fear pulls in my stomach and makes it ache. When I raise my head, I see into her dark eyes. She sits exactly opposite to me on the bed, staring at me as if she has to decide yet what to do.

*

When she asks me about my intentions, her voice is rough. Probably her body and head ache, but she is not here to feel comfortable now. I start to tell her who I am, and when I realize she does not know about me, I tell her more. Finally she puts the puzzle together, and her eyes show it all - the unbelief first, and then the realization of the truth and the pain that follows it. She doesn`t say anything, and I am grateful for this. Her voice is too soft and too attracting, and I might fall for her and release her... and what would that leave of my plans?

*

I cannot believe it, I do not want to believe it. Her words tingle in my ears with a deafening quality. How could he have done something like that? But her hurt sounds and feels true, and yes, he would do whatever he thinks he needs to, without much asking for the costs. It is his best and his worst quality. I instantly know what will come, it is inevitable, and I understand her. What a precious prize I am, delivering myself into her hands. She stands up and I make my decision.

*

I enter her mind, expecting resistance or open counterstrike, but instead everything is open, and I am puzzled. I probe into the deeper layers, and await the attack, but there are not even shields. She offers me all her thoughts, and the more I look into the corners and rooms of her mind the more I feel uneasy and betrayed. Then I enter the core, and when I am before that final block I know what will lie behind. It is dense, but when I come near, she even opens this one for me and I see it all - and am conquered.

*

She leaves my mind and when I open my eyes again, she looks at me, anger flashing over her features. She hates me for taking her revenge away from her, where all I wanted to do was to make amends for his actions, and finally she understands. She breaks down on the bed and buries her head in her hands, pondering over what she shall do now, and it doesn`t matter to me. My offer left me empty, there is nothing left to lose.

*

She repaid, and I feel ashamed. She did the only thing with which to achieve that. Silence hangs between us, while my thoughts run wild. I wanted to bring her on her knees and to break her and I had thought it would make me feel better. She repaid freely and I hate it. It would be so easy to give her to the authorities and make her also pay for all the years I lost, but would her suffering change anything in my life? It won`t. And how could I ever have imagined it would...

*

She removes my bonds, and my arms and legs are numb from the cutoff of circulation. I tumble but she doesn`t help me, instead she turns her head away from me and tells me I should leave. I follow her gaze and it rests on a colourful printing that hung on the wall behind me. I ask why she releases me, but she only mutters that I should take my chance before she might change her mind, and so I turn to the door and leave. She not even demanded from me to confront him as her avenging angel in return for my freedom, but she didn`t have to. I will talk to him in any case.

*

There she goes without looking back, and the door shuts. I lie down on the bed and close my eyes and think of her beautiful mind. Live long and prosper, I whisper into the empty room and look at the picture that does not scare me any longer. From now on I can live again, too.

*

Epilogue:

Syren stared at the reprint that hung over her father`s head. "Can you explain this drawing to me?", she asked.

"It is an old Terran myth, about the banishment from paradise. It reminds us that all things must come to an end."

She looked into his eyes, and Spock instantly knew that his daughter had to tell him something he would not like.

"I have met Valeris," she began her story.

***